Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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