The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
