so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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