She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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