Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
