Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
