Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
