She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
