My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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