I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
