Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
