what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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