We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
