youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
