So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
