remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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