It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
