do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
