Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
