i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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