I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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