why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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