I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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