Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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