Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
