I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
