So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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