I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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