I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The uberlube is also flammable
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
