This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
