cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
