i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
