I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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