im having a threesome with these popsicles
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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