I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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