I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
