I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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