..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
