He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
