I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
