I faked an abortion last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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