Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
