I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
