He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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