i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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