I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
