her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
