wanna go halves on a baby?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
