Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
