i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My balls are so social today.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
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it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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