Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
