you guys were way drunker than both of me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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