This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
