the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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