I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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