the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
