I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
