dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
