Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
