How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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