Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
