I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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