looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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