i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
