I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
