My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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