porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
