nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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