Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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