Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
