ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
