I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
