I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
