How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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