how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
