Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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