first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
