Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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