jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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