I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize