During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
