ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
