Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Blood and glitter go together right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I love you. Go after that dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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