I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
