I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
