I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
