I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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