Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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