Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
