So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
